Process - a series of actions or steps taken in order to achieve a particular end.
I have always been in awe of the children who knew EXACTLY what they were going to do as adults. I mean, not just careers, but where she wanted to live, what type of person she would become, who she would be with... I had none of this. My process was well, to be honest, I had no process. Perhaps this was because I was a lack of self esteem, no parental guidance, terrified of failing, or a perfect mix of all of the above. Regardless, I never knew where I was going, who I would be with, and Lordy knows, I never slowed down long enough to think of a particular ending. I did what I loved, and I always loved big.
However, my argument back then and even now as an adult, is there ever truly an ending? Do not let me confuse you. I know one day the body of JJ will cease to exist. I am not encouraging one to have a lack of direction, no guidance, no vision of one’s future. No jumping off the cliff to see if one breaks... My lack of direction was challenging, and at times extremely painful. I take full responsibility for my choices. BUT, my life has been an amazing journey full of adventures. I will not suffer from mid-life crisis, as so many of my acquaintances do because I chose to FREAKIN’ LIVE. I experienced so much more probably because I didn’t stop to think whether or not this would work out “in the end”.
Around my early thirties, with the loss of my mother, a failed marriage behind me, I finally started recognizing, I deserved better. I didn’t know exactly what my life would be but I knew I needed it to be easier, and kinder on my spirit. So, fast forward, My life is no longer full of difficult paths, poor decisions, or lack of guidance. I grew up and out. I realized my worth (A LOT) and started forgiving my SELF. I connected to a power so much larger than I could imagine, and never looked back. I have zero regrets! Well, okay that’s not true, I do regret running away to LA for two years, but even that experience taught me so much. I believe it was then, I KNEW I deserved so much more. My lack of thought process, became crystal clear. I began to truly heal. My art came out of these tremendous life experiences. I still believe one must do what she loves with no remorse at any age.
True confession - I still strongly admire the painter/the individual who knows where she is going with her work/life. My paintings much like my past, have no process other than here is a canvas, brush and paint. I am now a gal who is very clear with my process in life, but I allow the canvas to be intense, messy and here’s a concept, FUN!
I paint what I love. I paint what I find appealing. I paint what I am feeling in this very moment. If I painted what all of my peers did, I would have been miserable and bored. I would have walked away. However, I dared to dream, I trusted the universal process instead of my ego. I am no longer terrified of failing. There is no such thing. So, get messy, make a decision without concern for the “final outcome”. What if the outcome is more than you can even imagine? All I know is, I am here now, and so are you. So trust YOUR process, not everyone else’s. Live large. Dream big. And, one last thing... BE GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF THIS PROCESSING. This is your one life as YOU, live